Revitalisation.. Soon.. Watch out!

2011-12-10T20:38:00.002+08:00

Haven't blogged in like forever.

Nobody ever reads this blog anymore, and I wish I could ever go back to the days when people did.

The time when I was surrounded with my poly friends which I really, really took for granted.

Eugene, CC, Linda, Mag, Shilin. I really really wish life could rewind itself back to the days of my poly 1.

What would I have done differently?

So many, so many things I would have done differently.

I would never have fell for you if I knew that it would be the end of our relationship.

I would have held every single one of those friends closer to me. I would have prioritized my life better.

How sad is it when you enter your twenties and you look around, and you just realized, that whatever you are left with, is those you had in the beginning.

Whatever you did in the past 5 years have been redundant.

For a brief moment in my life I was wondering, am I ready for it? Was I ready to throw my life and its prospects away as I try to rein you in and try and make your life wholesome and positive again.

Should the day come when you come back to Singapore, was I willing and able to try to make you mine, sign on the army and receive a high allowance, very capable of supporting a family.

But now I know, you are not the one for me. The entire episode of my feelings towards you were all a mask for the hurt I felt from her.

A sadistic facade, smothered by your gentle touch. You are not a bad person, at least not to me. Regardless of whatever you did or do, we will and always remain friends for as long as you want us to be friends.

So I say it now, regardless of whether you ever read it or not. I will never fall for you again. You have never been there when I needed you, things always revolved around you. In that romantic sense, you are no different from Shilin.

Perhaps I expect too much from someone I like. But for the amount I am willing and do put forward, am I wrong to expect it?

Am I expected to receive 50% when I give my 100%?

Life have been hard, its been very grueling, so many challenges, so little hope, so much frustrations.

For the next 2 years I will cry to myself, I will hug myself to sleep, I will bottle all my sorrows. I will eat every damn fucking thing this world have to throw at me.

But I know. I know when I enter uni, with all these positive and negative experiences that I had the misfortune and fortune to endure,

I will find a person who shares an equal zeal and passion to life as I do.

And thats how I will kick my bad habits.

A person who can hug and hold me tight and tell me. I don't want you to ever touch a ciggarete with me ever again, and whenever you need me i'll be there.

2011-08-15T05:26:00.001+08:00

asdasdzxcasdasd

2011-08-14T13:43:00.003+08:00

I have existed on this planet for slightly above 20 years,

Haven't really did much in my life except go through the education system, scoring slightly above average results.

Played games for essentially the whole of my life.

Dragonslayer, Vengence, Sniper, Magnesium, NaFeHs, OxygeN-.

Met so many people, made so many friends, and people who admire my playing skills.

But as I await to enter the military next week, I will close this chapter of my life.

Good bye to you OxygeN-, the egotistical, self-proclaimed obsessed with winning and being the best.

I once wrote down all my gaming achievements to hope i'll never forget them, but I lost it.

Here is my final tribute to my youth, and to you the one who gave me lots of hope, joy and drive in life.

2005 :

Interschool Warcraft III champion.
WCG 2005 Warcraft III Top 8 Finisher.
Clan League KOF Warcraft III 1st Runner Up. (mVp)

2006 :

Interschool DOTA 1st Runner-Up (Team leader)
ESWC 2006 DOTA 2nd Runner-Up
CAPL Premier DOTA Champion
CAPL Open DOTA Champion
CAPL Open Warcraft III Qualified from week, top 8
2006 WCG Warcraft III 2nd Runner up.
RGN DOTA 1st Runner Up.
Telok Blangah CC DOTA Champion
Intra-School DOTA Champion
Assorted DOTA victories as well.

2007 :

CAPL Open 1st Runner up.
GXL Season 1 Warcraft III Champion
GXL Season 2 Warcraft III Champion

2008 :

WCG Warcraft III Champion.

2010 :

Blizzcon Invitational Starcraft II 3rd Place
WD Psi Storm Starcraft II 2nd Place
SSL November Starcraft II 1st Runner up
SSL December Starcraft II Champion

2011 :

SSL January Starcraft II 3rd Place
Community Open Starcraft II Champion

2011-05-12T01:51:00.002+08:00

Ignorance is bliss. To what extent do people agree with that? In many applications of life, that is highly applicable and true. Sometimes though, the ignorance that we speak of, is merely a form of delusion, meant to shield us from disappointment and unhappiness which the truth always seems to bestow upon us.

Bestow? Yes it was intentionally used to highlight the gross irony of the realism of the truth. What if you believed in some things for your entire life, and you always kept true to it, and it was your driving force; the impetus of which you are to carry on with your life in a positive demeanor?

And then you slowly realize that your belief was nothing much but a fraud. A facade created by your younger self to protect yourself from harm, and to grant you confidence in your life.

What if one day it was taken away from you? you wake up from your sleep, feeling like total shit. You realiuze that everything that you had stood for has been nothing but fabricated lies that shielded you from pain, and negativity.

Is it ever possible to get the shields back up? the level of delusion required to engineer another charge at confidence and success?

I would really love to say that it is possible. But there is a niggling feeling that I know by now that yes. I am in fact a failure in life. A talentless entity.

2011-02-10T03:01:00.003+08:00

Here's 2 fingers for you. :)

_|_ _|_

4 words for you.

Good luck have fun.

2011-02-07T16:53:00.000+08:00

I finally realized my problem.

I get emotionally attached too easily.

If I was just able to hold back and just live in the moment without thinking ahead, would things have been different?

The feeling of sadness that engulfs my heart periodically is very overpowering.

I try so hard to conceal the cracks, I try so hard to make everyone around me satisfied and happy.

3 months ago, following one of the biggest walk-out in my life, you walked in.

You smothered the heart-ache, dissipated the negativity I had towards her.

I thought everything was fine at last. I felt happy, I felt really happy. Work didn’t seem so hard, and meeting you after work was something I really looked forward to.

Right now, I am back to square one. You blazed through my life in the span on a month, and I now realize.

I was wrong. I wonder if you would ever read this, but if you ever do, I take back everything I said. I didn’t and will not fall for you.

Our feelings are in tandem, rather I feel what you felt 2 months ago. We can be best friends, liking each other, and not love each other.

My dear twin... I really miss those days with you!

But okay, I know, you will never read this. BUT BUT BUT. I can tell you are happier now. I am glad I could be there when your life was in ruins. As much as I know more than I should, it doesn’t matter. I don’t give two fucks about so many things.

I was happy, you are happy.

That’s all that matters to me..!

2010-11-15T00:48:00.002+08:00

Firstly, if you have been feeling sad about me, I apologize.

I never intended to hurt you, I never intended to make you sad.

But still, I have to tell you this.

We will not be like where we were before.

I used to treat you better than a friend, even better than a best friend, and you knew that.

Now, its all too late.

From a romantic perspective, it's all a thing of the past.

Still, we can be friends.

I feel nothing for you now.

Sorry.

You should cheer up.

2010-11-09T20:50:00.000+08:00

Yes, i've read your blog.

don't worry, i'm fine.

hope you are too.

have a great birthday week.

(:

2010-11-07T22:49:00.002+08:00

You told me everything that is happening in your life.

I know how you think, and whats next.

I love it when you tell me how fucking mature I am.

I love it when you tell me why cant he be more like me.

this is wrong, so wrong.

But.

2010-11-07T14:46:00.002+08:00

That was the first time in my life, I had cried in front of somebody.

I just couldn't control myself. It was so dark, it was so lonesome, it was so painful.

But, for the first time.. as the tears came out, somebody held my hand.

I felt that for once, somebody cared about me, there was somebody who would hold my hand, and hear me rant.

The first person I could tell every single bit of what was on my mind to.

But yet, I only knew her for 3 weeks.

It is so wrong, yet so right.

I'm hurt, but she applied the healing lotion.

I'm recovering, and fast.

2010-08-30T05:10:00.002+08:00

Poly life is officially ending next Wednesday, which is in 9 days. I always did a semester by semester review, mostly about modules and a little bit on life. So since my academic poly life is finally coming to an end, I shall do a short write-up on people, instead of things.

Poly-life has been awesome, in terms of in-school friendship. Never once had I felt alone and lonesome whilst in school, perpetually surrounded by people who I could speak comfortably with, and have seemingly endless topics of disclosure!

First Semester, It was TA03. Everyday in class had LAN parties, quite literally, CS, DOTA, it was like secondary school hobbies in Poly, what else could a guy like me ask for? it was just epic good. Pokering in school also had some pretty awesome memories. Met lame people like Jonathan, Leonard and also the rest like Tri, Gilbert and the ever over-zealous-for-manchester-united Zhi Cao! This was just an awesome sem, capped off aptly with an uniform day! still remember it was in ITB at block #73, when it was still alive. hahahaha. gosu stuff!

Second Semester, It was TA03 again! Got seperated from ALL my first sem classmates omg. instead my current best poly friend a.k.a 陈智才 got psed by his whole class too! so we together went into this class. Pretty funny, how we both were "homeless" and got taken in my Eugene, Mag and Yu Kai! This sem was rather fun too! Met a whole lot of people, inclusive of my current classmates Eugene, Mag and Linda, and also Shilin! Each and everyone of them brought some kind of warmth to my life, some more than others, still, all is very much appreciated!

Third Semester, it was TA03 again..?! Went with Jon, ZC, Gilbert, Tri and CC! All my first sem classmates. this sem was nothing short of awesome! Everyday was soccer day, and that is one of the few topics that actually, actually excites me! lol! so yeah, awesome class, awesome classmates. wtf can a simplistic man like me ask for????????

Fourth Semester, it was I got no idea, TA05 was it? Went with Linda, CC and Mag! I think I got the order between 3rd and 4th wrong, or maybe I didn't I'm not really too sure... HMMM. :/ but yeah it was epic again too! Maybe I'm too simplistic, maybe i'm just nuts. Anywhere with friends is epic for me! wow. yes, maybe I am a little nuts, and simplistic combined!

Fifth Semester, was the last oneee. Very happening semester emotionally, that not only affected me, but MANY of my friends! Strange how they kept happening at the same time! lolol. Reunited with Eugene, did lots of stupid, crazy, retarded things this sem... things like skipping lectures together, rotation policy and all that friendly nonsense. Not to mention the fucking events comm! I dunno why but its the only project I felt proud of doing this whole poly! Especially the report... and the podcast, that was just insane fun.

On a whole, I walk away from Poly, a changed person from when I first entered. (Obviously, who doesn't?!) Still, I am happy with whatever I have, and i'll say Ngee Ann was a decent choice after all..! Though I must admit it was largely because of one reason, and that one reason alone changed me a whole lot, whether she acknowledges it or not... hahaha. so cheers to all your NP people who read this, you all are very well remembered by me!

Gosu!

2010-07-28T01:56:00.002+08:00

I can't believe you just did that.

Never, in my fucking life. I would have seen that coming. Never, never, never.

2010-07-27T00:10:00.002+08:00

I wish every night that I can rewind time and do things differently.

I wish everyday that I can have a second chance to put things right.

But isn't wishes all a fairy tale?

The reality is that I fucked up, and wasn't good enough,

Since we can't create a future together, I will ensure you have the best present.

At least I know, when your future comes, you won't look back on your past and say,

"Everything that happened in life was a joke till I met you."

2010-07-04T10:31:00.002+08:00

This has been a hugely upsetting week.

My emotions swayed to and fro throughout the week, alternating between mostly anxiety, and disappointment.

Most of my problems have been solved thankfully, still remains a couple, of which is very manageable.

But come this friday, I will discover something, for myself.

I always thought once I put in effort, I can do anything, which of course leads to a convenient excuse for poor results.

I gave my life, to this game. A proven past winner, I should have no problems doing this.

But why is there this strange feeling, that everything I have done in my life so far is a fluke?

I wonder, would I consider this a learning journey?

Was it a blessing and good thing? Or have I already eaten my words.

Its a matter of the lesser of two evils; grass is greener on the other side.

2010-06-29T02:46:00.002+08:00

I realized that in life, you only get one chance at some things.

And I probably already gave mine up.

I didn't even know what I was doing then, and I just felt that everything seemed so right.

Apparently not.

I am really going through the toughest phase in my life.

I am constantly and perpetually feeling very stressed by everything thats happening now.

I always thought I was independent.

Yes, I was for the most part.

By it is things like this that really make me fear being dependent on someone else.

Try having sleepless nights, moodless days, and low concentration for like a fucking week.

it is one of the most fucked feeling to have...

trust me.

2010-06-22T12:21:00.002+08:00

I guess these few months was learning months for myself.

I found out so much more about how many things work.

Further understanding, how some people think.

Indulged in my skepticism and cynicism, weaved out infinite webs of thoughts.

Understood many life concepts the hard way,

Now I realize what they mean by birds of a feather flock together.

Its obvious that I don't belong there.

What they want is a far cry from what I want.

everybody was right; i was wrong i admit.

thats why i'm taking everything into my stride.

its breaking up my steps ALOT, giving me this sense of resignation I never felt before.

But i'll shut the fuck up and put up with it

2010-06-20T21:48:00.002+08:00

thank god i got some extra bottles of alcohol in my house.

2 fridays from now, when all this fucking shit is over.

2 July 2010.

I am going to get drunk and wasted.

Why?

To mark the start of a $6K liability,

With no cash on hand to last my birthday month.

I love my life.

But it was I who made it this way.

And I have to face up to it.

There is no other way around.

2010-06-19T01:18:00.002+08:00

Right now, everything that can be wrong, is wrong.

I really am at a lost of what to do.

$3000 again?

Who the fuck you kidding.

If life is trying to break me,

congrats, I have snapped.

I need to rebuild my life all over again, not starting from scratch,

but halfway.

A place that is definitely sought after intangibly,

a place that is condemned tangibly.

I feel like crying, and committing suicide.

But will that fix anything, anything at all?

I feel so lost, empty and hurt.

If life wanted to teach me a lesson, i've learnt it.

Please tell me that that phone call was a dream...

That they got the wrong person...

I'm so scared, I am really so fucking scared.

I am 18 years old...

Can you please stop fucking with me...

I admit, the first one was entirely my fault, I was fucking blind and stupid...

But this one?

I don't know what to do.....

Please somebody, tell me, what I have to do to make my life resume like normal........

I am broken.

Really broken.

2010-05-11T01:27:00.002+08:00

I was posed with a very challenging question recently, and it seems to me that it is very subjective.

The question?

Is it better to be optimistic and hope for a good result, or is it better to be pessimistic and be prepared for the worst?

The rationale behind each is that, if you are optimistic, and the results don't go your way, you will be hugely disappointed.

Similarly, if you are pessimistic, and the results don't go your way, you can just sit back and claim, "yeah, i sort of expected that." and every good result seems to be like a bonus.

To the neutral observer, it is hugely apparent that being pessimistic seems to combine the best of best worlds, being hugely buoyed by a good result, or being able to deal with disappointment with much less agony than being optimistic. But, to what extent is this true?

Strictly speaking, I would say that being pessimistic seems very much more appealing to me than being optimistic. However, is it that we are really being pessimistic, or just delusional? if it is true that we are being purely pessimistic, and that we don't believe in ourselves, won't it get in the way of our activity? And instead instead of merely being prepared for the worst, we are actually engineering ourselves to achieve the worst?

However if it is mere delusion, the ability of us to be able to be prepared for the worst, and at the same time not hinder our ability to perform, then i believe that being under this delusion of "pessimism", is definitely what each and everyone of us should strive to ultimately attain.

That being said, of course being pessimistic also seems to come with it, its obvious benefits. One of that to not appear as being haughty or arrogant for that matter. It seems that in the society today, there seems to be a very thin line between being arrogant or confident. It applies to both speaker, and the discerning listener.

Hence, to conclude that short paragraph, what I really meant is that it feels terrible to be mistaken as arrogant when you are merely confident, and that you just hope to instill in others a similar sense of confidence as the one you possess.

Pretty obviously that I belonged to the second category of people, one that is just confident and optimistic. I have tasted failures after failures after failures, defeats after defeats after defeats. It came to this point, when I finally told myself, that I would never lose again.

Yes, arrogant as it may seem, I am not an arrogant person, not anymore anyway. I have since tweaked my belief, and instead of perceiving failures or defeats as a sign of weakness, I now strongly believe that they are essential for growth and maturity.

I admit, I am not the most mature person around, neither am I the most intelligent person around. I think i'm pretty stupid to be quite honest. However, I am always eager to learn, learn from others, learn from my mistakes. The terminology of being eager does not equate to I apply what I learn, but yes, I absorb the crux of the lesson.

In conclusion, so what type of a person are you? someone similar to me, or any of the other 2 stated above? or are you just plain arrogant? I hope this short essay have gave you an interesting insight, because it sort of gave me one as I was writing this.

Okayy, enough of that.
My 25-day plan has been implemented!
100 pills, 4 a day. that makes 25 days.
lets see where it'll take me!
and of course good dieting and lots of exercise! (:
this 25 days is going to be a very interesting 25! (:

2010-04-17T02:44:00.002+08:00

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eye
I thought with time you'd realize
It's over over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something somewhere's got to give
As sharing this relationship gets older older
You know I'd fight for you
But how I can fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you
I dont care if that's not fair

Chorus:
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart
But I dont show it show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know know it

Don't me make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time for show and tell

2010-03-22T14:33:00.003+08:00

Spending what felt like eons in desperate search for peace,

It was finally unearthed in the most unlikely of places.

Ironic. Like the cycling of the tides,

The much vaunted serenity was cruelly upheaved.

Like the rising of a gigantic torrent,

it's tranquil state now bore witness to utter chaos.

Alas, amidst the wreckage, there bore signs of life.

With nothing much left to pine for, the turbulent waves struggles to shield the lifeform.

Will the seeds of life be planted, or will it leave in search for greener pastures?

Many signs shows that it would be planted,

But why is there this niggling feeling that nature would turn its back on it,

and leave for more peaceful pastures.

Oh, the sadistic nature of insecurity.

Oh, the unforgiving pain of insensitivity.

):

2010-03-17T03:19:00.002+08:00

confused.

confused.

confused.

fucking butterfree. :/

2010-03-14T17:18:00.002+08:00

So sorry my blog was locked for so long!

Looks like my favorite stalker couldn't stalk me! LOL.

But anyway, I think you can pretty much guess why, and I can tell you that there is no conclusion yet.

But regardless, this post is going to be rather wordy, again. whats new?

On friday evening, while watching being human, i almost teared. Sounds quite stupid right? A Jack Neo film. That is not even supposed to be sentimental.

But I don't know, there was just some lessons inside there that really touched my heart somewhat.

So that got me thinking, again.

I realized on the walk home, that I have been too arrogant, too selfish, too impulsive.

I blame that, on steroids! HAHA.

Users report feeling good about themselves while on anabolic steroids, but researchers report that extreme mood swings also can occur, including manic-like symptoms leading to violence. This is because anabolic steroids act in a part of the brain called the limbic system, which influences mood and is also involved in learning and memory.

Steroids can also lead to other changes in mood, such as feelings of depression or irritability. Depression, which can be life-threatening, often is seen when the drugs are stopped and may contribute to the continued use of anabolic steroids. Researchers also report that users may suffer from paranoia, jealousy, extreme irritability, delusions, and impaired judgment stemming from feelings of invincibility.

Quote from http://teens.drugabuse.gov/facts/facts_ster1.php

To those who don't want to get through 2 paragraphs of words, just refer to the bolded ones.

I only took that when I was young, but somehow I got this feeling that the effects seem rather long-lasting! Or maybe its just me. :X

But okay, that aside, on the way home, I suddenly thought of what and why is everything happening in my life.

Just then, I don't know why I suddenly thought of fate and destiny. As I shared with one person my entire train of thoughts,

he merely brushed it off, and nodded in disbelief.

But to me, it makes perfect sense. As arrogant as this may sound, I think that my destiny in life is that i'll be very successful.

ONLY IF, I manage to discard the arrogant air surrounding me, and the feelings of superiority.

Thats why I believe everything is happening. Everything is working against me to bring me to my lowest repeatedly, trying to humble me.

And thank god for that, I think he has succeeded. Believe me or not, yesterday while having my usual night chat with my usual bud,

Even he told me, why you suddenly like become humble(or more humble).

I guess, I don't really expect too much already. I don't want to put people down anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.

Thats why I decided. Even if things do not go too well for me again, I will forget about those words I really want to say.

That course of action was what the old me would have done.

I'll merely take it as part of my learning curve, shaping me and molding me.

(:

2010-03-13T01:59:00.002+08:00

/../.../....//./

2010-03-02T18:37:00.002+08:00

I was so happy, contented.

But why did my brother got to have such a problem.

Sigh. He is in hospital now, warded.

God knows what happened to him, but when I received a call from my brother at 3am last night, saying he has to go for a operation.

I just blanked out.

Sigh...

Hopefully this thing passes soon, but I got this strong urge to want to fuck care dancing tomorrow,

and just go there, and make myself wasted.

):

2010-02-23T11:12:00.002+08:00

Auditing paper is in about 27 hours. Sometimes I wonder how ridiculously stupid I can be. Not just in intelligence(yes I believe I'm becoming more dumb by the day), but also in actions!

Yesterday was supposed to be a day of studying after my driving, and guess what happened. I played LAN for 5 hours. Mind-blowing. It was 7pm then. Lots of time to study still right?

I ate dinner, chatted till about 9, then met another friend to chat! So, eventually I reached home 12+. But yeah, that chat was entirely entertaining. I find 1 on 1 chats the most interesting. Why? Because you can lame, ask any questions you have been dying to ask(this is obviously a gross exaggeration), and get answers that you will salute and say, wow. your epic.

Beyond that, catching up with people is always entirely entertaining! You see, with regular day chats, not all the juicy news come out! I may sound a little gossipy here, but come on, its all good right!

Anyway, back to how stupid I am. For the uninitiated, yes, I did screw up for my RFA paper. Not enough time. Hmm, that was a first for me. In addition, it was an accounting paper damn it! So, here I am, staring at my com. Waiting with dread(and anticipation) till 230 comes. Why? So I can get the urgency that the paper is less than a day to go. Sorry, i'm blonde and retarded. Forgive me yeah. :/

And to cap this post off, I know there are some people who is still emo. I'm nearly over mine. First off, I'm always here if you all need someone to talk to, I may not be the nicest person around, but yeah. :O

Anyway, I used to listen chinese songs for the beat and rhythm, only recently I still listening to the lyrics proper. So heres an extract of a song, which I find may be pretty damn inspiring(or maybe heartwarming). Extract from S.H.E - 天亮了

天亮了，天亮了
地球又转了一圈了
既然，我还幸运的活着
当然要全力以赴去快乐

天亮了，天亮了
世界还是好好的，
设么痛都是很渺小的
看太阳不是又升起来了

For the mandarin illiterate,
when day light breaks, it means the earth has spun one round.
Since we are lucky to be still alive,
we must definitely focus our energy into being happy.

When day light breaks, the world is still alright.
All the pain we feel are insignificant,
No matter what happens, the sun will still rise again.

On a sidenote, notice there is 0 vulgarities! zero! oh gosh. Can't believe I actually spouted none. :X But I was reading my friend's blog, and hes an master of the english language, and it was entirely entertaining to read, even without explosive expletives, so i'm taking a page out of his book!

Haha! anyway i'm feeling incredibly touched now. (: so peace out people! and good luck for your paper(s)!

2010-02-22T01:25:00.005+08:00

With this new skin, Everyone can fuck care all the previous posts!

It is going to be a new, more positive me.(notice the word "more" :X)

Is the skin nice?! I just changed it. I sort of think it looks pretty damn cool!

In case anyone if wondering, the words at the side is from the song crush, from david archuleta.

Why did I choose it? because the lyrics is very applicable to everyone(all us youths), but mostly because the skin is just so simplistic, with a enigmatic feel to it.

And did anyone notice my new name? LOL. I was thinking of some random names, and out popped Shin. (Super stalker u should know!) LOL.

And so I was reading this book on zodiac signs today.

And this is what it has to say about me, a mr cancerian.(hope i don't get any form of cancers! :/)

Quality most needed for balance --> Mood control.
AGREED.

Strongest virtue --> emotional sensitivity, tenacity, the urge to nurture.
Tenacity... LOLOL.

Deepest need --> a harmonious home and family life
LOL. (:

Characteristics to avoid --> over sensitivity, negative moods.
I also know.

Signs of greatest overall compatibility --> Scorpio, Pisces
WHO IS A SCORPIO OR PISCES? I got no idea what month is what, except for virgo and myself. :/

Signs of greatest incompatibility --> Aries, Libra, Capricorn
Same. :/

Sign most helpful to cancer --> Aries
Aries? sounds like aegis! :X

Sign most helpful for emotional support --> Libra
Oh man... more dates.

Sign most helpful financially --> Leo
:/

Sign best for marriage or partnerships --> Capricorn
Wasn't Capricorns the most incompatible with me!?

Sign most helpful for creative projects --> Scorpio
Scorpio..

Best sign to have fun with --> Scorpio
Omg fun! but who is a Scorpio! god I hate this zodiac signs which are not mine! so hard to remember what sign is which month!

Signs most helpful in spiritual matters --> Gemini, Pisces
Me is not a holy man. :/

Best day of the week --> Monday
Monday? How about Wednesdays?!

And the usual how cancers do not open up to people unless they are comfortable, over sensitive, emotional and all that stuff. Says i'll be a rich man this 6 months of the year! I don't see where is the money gonna come from. Maybe I'll hit TOTO. or 4D! ((:

Very interesting book! But seriously some of the things about zodiac is really really applicable, thats why I SORT OF believe it. :X

Says this year i'll get lucky in love! 1st half lucky in money, second half lucky in love. wowwww. If that is to be believed, then time to earn more and spend later! I'm generous okayyyy! ((: HAHAHA LAME. But I really wonder, where would I meet the her eventually.

Can't be in a club right? I think clubbing girls are too..... well, everyone more or less thinks the same! If not, then where would I meet one. My CCA is a gay club, I don't really like interacting either.

Workplace? No idea man! HAHAHA. infinite possibilities! (: SEE FATEE LOOO. When I find another one I like, then I'll think of something. lolol.

This year is beginning to excite me! (:

2010-02-17T08:26:00.002+08:00

I guess, when a person has too much of something,

The something becomes taken for granted,

With the hind thought that the something will always be there,

Or there will always be backups for it.

lolol.

2010-02-16T23:36:00.002+08:00

You are always too insensitive.

To such an extent, I don't even know if you are really insensitive, or plain fucked up.

Without any further elaborations,

Its simple really, if you like it that way, then you can have it that way. I am not going to impose my ideals onto you.

Seriously, whatever.

Deception massacre.

So fucking true. lol.

2010-02-13T01:24:00.003+08:00

It's been so long since I last wrote anything about school, or schoolwork. So, to prove i'm still a student, and a human, I shall dedicate one post to school!

Life :

This semester is one boring ass semester. What's new? This was by far the WORST class is terms of fun. Won't really bother to elaborate much, but TA03, TA03 and TA01 was a whole shit lot more fun.

TA03 the first was because of playing games in every class, and gambling in school :X

TA03 the second was more because of the class rapport, and some fun-loving people in class, who ain't nerds.

TA01 was all soccer buddies, who hate books as much as I do. HOW CAN IT NOT BE FUN?

TA05 IS JUST SAD. I NEVER SEEN SO MANY PEOPLE ARGUING WITH TEACHERS OVER TUTORIAL QUESTIONS. *FLIPS LIKE A DEAD FISH

Academics :

This is one emotional semester in terms of grades. I think i'm quite stupid. Everybody seems to say auditing is manageable or easy, and I find it one fucking ass hard module. Not to mention my 1st ever "D" RFA, but FMGT seems relatively easy. So i'm keeping my fingers crossed, and hope I don't get ass fucked by academics.

I acknowledge its real hard to repeat last sem's results. But never one to back down from a challenge, I will embrace and attempt to scale this nearly insurmountable odds, and keep my fingers crossed.

Friends :

Made no new friends! woooooot. Thanks! I know i'm pretty introverted, look pretty damn fierce and anti-social. (Y)

Okay, the second last part of my post!

When I decided I was going to write a post about school, I just thought of a very interesting bitch nut that i know! haha!

Every exam without fail, you will go,

"OMG. SO DIFFICULT. I DUNNO LA. DIE."

And then you will proceed on to ask me to teach you everything you are unsure about. and heres the interesting part, you claim me to be smart, but do you know that actually I find that you are actually smarter than me when it comes to academics? True that the results do not lie, but do you know that my results are only so good, only because you keep asking questions that I never thought about?

So actually, when i'm teaching you, i'm actually revising through everything myself, and understanding everything from different perspectives, and even answering questions that I previously would not have thought about! So, in a way, you are teaching me! not the other way round! haha!

I dunno but its 1:43 AM in the morning, and my brain ain't really working properly, so yeah! The crux of this short paragraph(s) is just to tell you that I seriously think that exams are cake to you. And that if you really set your mind to it,(which you are) I'm sure your results will be epic good! (:

So stop worrying about how hard it is, because I know that deep down you also know that you are going to cake the paper! haha! (:

Okay the last part of this post,

I CAN'T BELIEVE I DINT GET A WEBCAM EARLIER.

ITS SO FUCKING FUN. OMG. HAHAHHAHA. but sorry

no photos here. :X

2010-02-10T19:05:00.002+08:00

"I create my luck. I make my own fate."

Unfortunately, time for me to eat my words.

Intriguing how I can't escape.

Bound by morals, obligations and a certain damning reliance,

Of course one may point to those and claim, that those are qualitative attributes.

Well, in all fairness, they are indeed qualitative.

But, it will take a whole shit lot of stupidity, and ruthlessness to do it.

Sometimes i'm so envious.

Sometimes it becomes jealousy.

I don't know.

But sometimes I also wonder, why is it that every time when I feel at my lowest,

something will happen to lift my spirits up?

Is it that the cycle of life finds a kick in giving me false hope?

Or is it just another way to fortify my resilience to stress and despair?

Sadly, nobody sees things from a similar perspective as me.

Understand me?

Hahaha. its okay. I already gave up hope on finding someone to understand me.

Just co-exist with me, and please don't fuck me over.

And your already a very good friend to me already.

2010-02-09T20:05:00.002+08:00

I am so fucking happy my left leg died.

I dunno why, could be the endorphins.

Or just that I AM SO SICK OF RUNNINGGGGGGGGG.

it was quite expected actually.

Sunday played a whole shit lot of soccer, and went for a 50 min run, with very little sleep from friday and saturday.

Monday was more or less running around the place, and then had a 20min fast run, with sprints after that! and of course I slept at 4am.

Today, I know more or less, if I run confirm got some problem one. Couldn't give half a fuck, ran a record breaking 30 minutes to sin ming! The previous 2 times were like 32 minutes, and 34 minutes?

After that took a sit and a drink, and voila. gg no re leg.

tried to run back, 12 minutes, couldn't take it. time for a stroll. :/

WELLLLLL.

obviously my legs exhausation won't only last for 1 day,

so i guess no more running tomorrowwwww. ):

HAHAHA. but theres always swimming!

(: tomorrow swimming time! woohoo.

I guess I shall postpone my studying to another day.

Swimming sounds too exciting. :x

2010-02-09T16:28:00.002+08:00

I'm always lagging behind.

The only way I seem to able to catch up, is when you stop.

And even so, the gap will always be that meager gap.

maybe your too talented.

Or maybe i'm too talentless.

I don't know.

But whatever it is, you are seriously, uber.

A little issues here and there, but not as many as me. lolol.

I can't change the world, but I can change myself!

That shall be my motto for now! (:

A new epiphany.

woot.

One of the many.

That is just so not my style.

Distinction, uniqueness and prominence.

That, is then what I think fits.

2010-02-08T02:24:00.004+08:00

just fuck it.

i just lost so much respect for myself.

the things i have done.

is seriously...

nvm. fuck that.

looking forward, i guess,

i will never let myself get insulted in that manner again.

i could never never take humiliation.

and i was dished a huge portion of that.

fucking repeatedly.

epic. just epic.

this week, life just gets worse.

well, I guess i'm used to eating shit already.

So bring it I guess. not like its anything new.

2010-02-04T19:34:00.004+08:00

Recently, alot has been on my mind.

You already said it was impossible.

And yeah, I have already stopped trying, whether you believe me or not.

You don't really know but, whenever you are very happy, i'll also feel happy somewhat.

Especially if it was because of me.

But then I realize, this is not what you want right?

Because whatever I am doing, obviously exceeds what you wanted of me.

Regardless, i'm pretty sure someone else will make you smile!

(:

.........

....

...

..

fucking....................

2010-02-03T00:26:00.003+08:00

I said that I don't like people who play politics.

I said that I don't like people with ulterior motives.

THEN WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?

WHY CAN'T EVERYTHING FALL INTO PLACE WITHOUT ME DOING SUCH THINGS.

ITS VERY VERY TIRING YOU KNOW.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

FUCK MAN. _|_

KNN.

i'm getting very upset and depressed. Really.

2010-02-02T02:29:00.004+08:00

1st post of feb shall be a positive post!
found this somewhere on the net, so decided to have a go at it :O

10 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME
1. I'm very obsessive. when I'm inspired, I get nuts. eg. watching anime
2. I play lots of games and almost all sports
3. I don't like nerds. Like really.
4. I personally feel that i'm very retarded.
5. I'm a epitome of whatever that's wrong with life.
6. I sleep on the floor! LOL.
7. I'm a person of my word.
8. I don't like going home before 11pm everyday.
9. Fridays are a must-go out day for me.
10. I like liverpool

9 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART
1. must be dumb. dumber the better. I can't stand smart girls. :/
2. vulgar, though not excessive.
3. When wearing heels should be up to my shoulder.
4. Those 3 are foundations, the rest can be worked around.
5. -
6. -
7. -
8. -
9. -

8 THINGS I CARRY/WEAR EVERYDAY
1. T-Shirt
2. I touch
3. Nokia E66
4. Wallet
5. Pants?
6. Money
7. Belt
8. Wax

7 THINGS THAT ANNOY ME

1. People with no conviction.
2. People that are insensitive.
3. Fuckers that dabble in politics.
4. 9AM Tutorials
5. My gadgets spoiling on me
6. People who break their promises
7. mental blocks

6 PLACES I’VE VISITED
1. ang mo kio
2. toa payoh
3. bishan
4. serangoon
5. kovan
6. Balestiar

5 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Eat gordon ramsay's rissoto, beef wellington.
2. Fulfill my ambition of owning my own cafe.
3. Visit Las Vegas
4. Own a ferrari.
5. Be on the Forbes list.

4 THINGS I’M AFRAID OF

1. Losing, rejection, defeat
2. spiders, books.
3. Losing any close friends
4. Disappointing others.

3 THINGS I DO EVERYDAY
1. eat
2. sleep
3. use my computer.

2 THINGS I’M TRYING NOT TO DO NOW
1. SLEEP(i'm very tired but i'm writing this somewhat)
2. Lose my cool.

1 PERSON I WANT TO SEE NOW

noone in particular. not anymore anyway.

2010-01-31T14:48:00.002+08:00

I'm very serious.

I'm this close to fucking you in your face.

You are pretty fortunate that im quite patient.

This is who I am.

You got an issue? =)

2010-01-30T16:16:00.002+08:00

Its very difficult.

How I have to take so much consideration into account to prevent any misunderstandings.

It becomes very, very annoying and tiring after awhile.

The analytical scale tips to the wrong side.

Which by default, translates to the word stop.

2010-01-27T23:54:00.005+08:00

i know what i'm missing in my life.

i know whats the cause.

i lost the passion for life.

for anything.

watching eyeshield 21, i finally realise.

i need a catalyst to get my life back on track.

and i think. i know where to find that.

(:

thanks everyone for your concern.

i found it at last.

i found that feeling once again.

i just hope that this world can catch up.

because from now on, my real life starts

2010-01-26T22:57:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling better somewhat.

how can I not be better when xiaobitchzxczxczxc wrote 11 reasons on why i'm great?!?!

wtf right! HAHA.

THOUGHHHH some of them may be quite false, ESPECIALLY #9. but yeah!

The cute part was soooooooo TRUE. LOL. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA KIDDING. HOW CAN I BEAT THE CAMWHORE QUEEN. LOL.

it made my day somehow! and the rest of the day seemed a pretty nice day!

so thank youuuuuuu! (((:

hahahas.

I'm hoping this will carry on! then i'll be one happy little fucker.

((:

2010-01-20T21:05:00.001+08:00

When I was young, I always thought receiving letters was cool.

Now. I'M FUCKING SCARED OF LETTTERSSSSSSSSS.

:/

I HATE BILLS.

I REALLY DO. ):

BEST PART. I RECEIVED LIKE 8 LETTERS IN THE PAST 2 DAYS.

AND I DON'T SEE THE LETTER I BEEN WAITING FOR.

omfg.

FASTER COME PLEASE!

2010-01-18T01:54:00.003+08:00

I don't even know whats compelling me so much.

I ran 6 times in the past 7 days.

I even ran when my leg was cramping up.

Then on thursday, friday and today, my right knee ligament was already feeling very stretched.

But yet, I still went to run, and it was damn jialat.

Today, I even ran further than what I normally run in a neighbourhood run.

Sigh. Its true, I got obsessive behavior.

Oh well.

18 Jan 2010.

Everything is going to pick up pace from tomorrow i'm sure.

I'm just wondering will I be able to keep up with everything, or will I be left behind.

I always set very high expectations for myself.

But recently, I always seem to fall short.

I have really really tried to be happy and be positive.

Even when i'm feeling sad, I still suck it up, and carry on.

sigh.

Isn't our life goal to find out who we truly are?
Who we are meant to be, our rightful places in this expansive world.
In zealous search of the answers, we search far and wide.

And after much fruitless searches, we finally realized that.
Everything was actually right in front of us.
The answer to our prayers, the answer to everything.

But it's too late, as we reach out to finally claim what was ours,
It vanishes like the shifting sands in the Sahara.
Whats left is the sifting of the fragments through our clenched fists.

The sick feeling going inside, our knees buckle as though the world weighed down on it.
Despondency grow, etching regret on our faces.
It's the end. What's lost is lost, and can never be retrieved again.

its coming to 4AM in hte morning. I'm still awake incredibly.
What time did I start writing this post? 1+? I have no idea.
Regardless. I think its my turn to sleep.
So good night everyone.
I'm out.

2010-01-17T16:17:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I once again got struck by enlightenment again.

What which I once thought was important, was actually entirely fuck.

Interesting enough, I had condemned myself for such a long time unknowingly! I wonder why.

Of course there are diversified views to such things. So there is no universal answer I would suppose.

Today sort of made me feel rather down.

Hmm.. I don't know. Sunday always seems like a bad day for me.

I shall just cook and smoke out everything tomorrow!

hahahahas. _|_ this shit man!

2010-01-14T16:37:00.006+08:00

OPPS. FORGOT TO ADD CHICKEN STOCK TO THE RED WINE SAUCE!

HAHAHAHA. LOLOLOL.

NO WONDER IT WAS A LITTLE TOO STRONG!

I KNEW IT WAS MISSING SOMETHING! COULDNT REMEMBER )):

ANYWAY..!

BACON, HAM, PRAWN ALFREDO! I THINK IT TASTE REALLY GOOD. ANYONE TELLING ME OTHERWISE WOULD GIVE ME SERIOUS MENTAL DAMAGE!

Chicken Breast with Redwine Sauce!

Tender, Juicy, only the sauce was a let down....................................

SAD.

Oh well!

To the next time I cook! HAHA. probably working on another rissoto!?!

One thing about me, is that I only cook when i'm happy or sad.

I'll never cook when i'm normal.

The smell of fresh ingredients being cooked really makes me feel very happy! (:

Especially capsicums, garlic and onions!

And it also takes my mind off things.

But regardless, today I was in a happy mood! so its all good! (:

IS MY AGLIO OR MY CREAM BASED PASTA BETTER!?!

HAHAHS. i love my aglio.! owns pasta mania flat! (:

2010-01-14T00:20:00.007+08:00

BACON PRAWN ALFREDO.

WITH CRISPY SKIN PAN SEARED CHICKEN BREAST WITH RED WINE SAUCE.

WHAT THE FUCK MORE CAN A GUY ASK FOR?

HAHAHAHAHA.

okay now im hungry. not good.

I'll reupdate this post later today! (:

Ingredients list! :

Cream
Milk
Eggs
Lemons
PARMESAN CHEESE <3
Chilli Padi
Mushrooms
Red wine
Onions
Garlic
Chicken stock!
Spaghetti
Chicken breast
Salt
Pepper
Basil Leaves!

AND FOR THOSE WHO HAVENT TRIED IT YET.

FUCKING BASIL LEAVES ON ANY DAMN THING, IS SIMPLY AMAZING.

PLEASE DO TRY IT. RECOMMENDED BY ME. :X

JUST OPENED MY MERLOT! NOW MY HOUSE GOT CHAMPAGNE, WHITE WINE, RED WINE!

ALL FOR EXCLUSIVE USE FOR MY EXPERIMENTS! COOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

I'm going to need to try making a champagne sauce one day too man! (:

ALRIGHTTT. After ALFREDO... I like did everything already. sigh! Maybe up next is a proper rissoto with good rice?!

YEAP. next week! (:

2010-01-13T18:52:00.003+08:00

Everybody is perpetually striving towards the utopia that we so crave and desire. The one state in our life where all our desires are satiated. But when we attain that, won't life be meaningless? With no goals and ambitions in life any further, won't we gradually melt down, and utopia once again becomes a distant hope.

Life is unfathomable. No matter how much I think about it, or analyze it, I can't seem to come out with a universal equation to breezing through life. Off hand, so many philosophies pop to my head. To avoid a over-lengthy post, i'll avoid regurgitating them here. Instead, i'll just like to narrow down my thoughts towards one area, which I am sure many people are aggrieved about.

Supposedly, the more effort you put in, the greater the returns you would reap. But what if sometimes, it is just beyond your control? When everything seems to rest upon the flip of a coin, questions are left unanswered. What you instead is left with, is the rampaging juggernaut of permutations in your head.

What will we make of life then? Will we able to accept it, and quell any rebellious thoughts and move on? Or will we seize fate into our own hands, and attempt to change the course of time? It's repulsively intriguing, how attached I am to the idea of skepticism and cynicism.

Well. Regardless, I have long given up on the philosophies that so many people cling on to for dear life. On the flip side, it actually irritates me when someone rants on about how applicable a particular philosophy is. What many do not realize instead is that, many things are a delusion that we coat ourselves with.

Not going to go any further, but its only 4 more days to the end of the week! Which can mean it could go both ways.

2010-01-13T00:41:00.002+08:00

Ordered animal cuts.

9 pills in 1 serving.

twice a day.

Ready, when my cycle is over.

BRING IT ON.

IM SO FUCKING EXCITEDDDDDDD.

3 weeks of fuck shit.

i'm sure it'll be fuck shit.

but.. at the end of the day.....

its gonna be EPIC.

2010-01-12T00:26:00.004+08:00

5 words that made me almost punch you.

2 reasons why.

1 reason why not.

1 action that made me almost hate you.

2 reasons why.

1 reason why not.

1 decision that makes me compromise on my mental health.

2 reasons why.

many reasons why not.

I'll shut the fuck up till the end of this week.

2010-01-11T01:42:00.002+08:00

I'll wait another week.

See what happens.

Last week!

2010-01-09T11:47:00.002+08:00

Eh, Eh Fuck you la cheebye.

Always fucking politics so much.

knn. My whole childhood tio fucked by you liao.

then why got thing happen you turn to me.

gum lan. cheebye. you think you fucking big?

knn.

then the other one fucking smart.

tio fucked by politics so much, till he ownself adapt and pick up politics.

everyone seems so fucking fake to me.

then the who also.

ccb. always do things to piss me off only.

all fucking fei.

useless.

wang en fu yi.

no fucking shame.

2010-01-09T02:06:00.003+08:00

Its 2:14AM in the morning on a Saturday.

Respite after one fucked up week.

Every time I am at home, I just get this wave of sadness.

intriguing ain't it.

am i able to consider it a relief? or rest?

Hahahahs. Maybe.

Sometimes I wonder, what the fuck am i doing?

For once, someone said whats on my mind. And it came from the most unlikely source.

A source that I feel is dismantling my mental health somewhat.

I realized I'm just deluding myself.

The one time where everything just became clear and I made so many revelations,

was the time when the truth was exposed, and I was in tune with my brain.

Because it seems my heart is pretty much useless.

Thanks for opening my eyes anyway.

As I said before, some good actions seem to have an interesting backlash.

But thats alright right? hahahaha.

regardless its 2:26am now, nothing's happening.

Time for bed.!

Off I go!

2010-01-08T10:08:00.003+08:00

I was served a simple choice recently.

After discussing it with my dad, he asked me one question, that I have yet to answer.

"Do I want literally unlimited money to spend, or to work hard and even so, not have enough money."

I honestly can't come out with an answer.

Versed in the school of business, my natural career pathway will be down that line.

Not withstanding anything, i'll probably be able to make it very far.

But, then it comes my real interest, which is to cook.

And then, my lifelong dream of being my own boss of my own diner.

Which will prioritize?

Beyond that, how many girls are willing to marry a guy who was supposedly in the business line, with good prospects,

And jump to an virtually unknown career line?

I got no idea. But anyway.

Thats my chicken breast I cooked yesterday! I FINALLY CRISP THE SKIN!!

WITHOUT FLOUR! I HATE FLOUR. OMGG. That was one delicious juicy son of a bitch chicken.

My camera sucks, so you can't really notice but theres actually a light lemon sauce below!

Lemon, White wine, a little chicken stock, garlic, salt and pepper.

UBER. (:

RECEIVED GOOD REVIEWS FROM FRIENDS AGAIN!!

AHHHHHHHHH!

2010-01-04T22:14:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA!

THANK YOU BITCHNUT!

GOLDEN LIGHT! WOOHOO!

I feel betterrr! (:

2010-01-03T12:46:00.006+08:00

Stemming from the weak,

Compounded by the sinister,

Inflicted on the strong.

"Respect the individual"

"A man is only as good as his word"

I rather burn out my sadness.

Than cry it out ever again.

Who am I?

2010-01-02T02:21:00.002+08:00

Bleh. Year 2010.

01.01.10

Another interesting start to the new year. A little too much to write, so I shaldn't elaborate it. And besides! If i actually act out in person, it'll be that much more interesting than words! haha!

This year I was sober though. and thank god for that.

Customary with people, i'll list down a few "resolutions" just for kicks!

1) Rip sufficiently to 6 packs? LOL.
2) Cut down on that S activity.(Okay, it won't work. But hey, its a resolution right?)
3) Reduce my negative side by 60%. (SONAH BORKENENG! Is that how you spell it?)
4) Never break another promise I made.(I broke one major promise last year. :/)
5) Never disappoint those who I give 2 fucks about.
6) Cherish all the 6 very important friends in my life! (YES I BELIEVE ITS 6!)
7) CAMWHORE MORE. OPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPSSSSSSS.
8) No more! Okay, maybe hope everyone is happy..? =O

Okay, and to add a side note, i'm pretty pissed that I got 2 projects to do, 1 must submit to my friend my tomorrow, and the other by god knows when, and a fucking 30% test this tuesday. Does it seem like i'm in any mood for school? fuck man! Sigh! and fuckk the results are coming back next week. doesn't bode too well for poor wy. :/

Alright! I only slept for like 4 hours last night, and I haven't slept since coming home at 12pm. i'm pretty shagged! :/

GOOD NIGHT WORLD. and happy new year!

I sincerely hope this year would be better than the last! (:

2009-12-30T11:26:00.002+08:00

Singapore's system is that of a meritocracy society, Which just means that, rewards are based on merits, and achievements. Being educated locally, that emphasis has repeatedly been highlighted throughout my tenure in the education system. So seemingly, you can relate meritocracy, to results. And with results come another philosophy, efforts equals to results. How true is that?

One need not be a skeptic to disagree with that i'm sure, each of us has different encounters that defies the gravity of that philosophy. But i'm sure each of us remotely believes that effort is required to achieve results. So what do you make of it then?

(:

2009-12-28T02:35:00.002+08:00

Some people keep asking me. Who is that "BFF" you keep referring to in your blog?

To answer everything once and for all, that's her! (:

And her name is bitch. xiaobitchzxczxczxc!

Actually no la, coincidentally she has the same name as Manchester United's #25.

If you don't know who is that, its okay. Manchester United sucks, i don't blame you.

=O. HAHA. its Valencia!

Anyway, that is a rather old photo. look at my hair now, versus that hair.

its totally different! that hair is colored, my hair won't be till tomorrow, and strangely, my that hair looks damn short. must be the camera angle! or maybe I just suck at photography.

lolol. probably the latter.

Anyway. The reason why i'm posting this post, like probably 4 months late, is because, I finally understand.

I'm sorry for being so insensitive!

And i'm sure alot of those were misunderstandings too.

So yeah, but I guess, i'll take back that 10% thing. lolol! :X

Best Friends Forever! (:

FULLSTOP.

2009-12-27T14:00:00.003+08:00

I don't know if I should laugh or cry, smile or sulk.

It is seemingly very, very weird.

Everything seems to have taken a new complexion in the way I see it.

Some problems has evolved,

Some compounded, some resolved.

Those that has been resolved seemingly has to come with a mutual exchange.

I'm really really so damn tired.

Why can't everything be smooth sailing or peaceful for once?

It has been such a long time since I last attained that state of utopia.

Where I could laugh and smile the whole day, because there was so much to be happy about.

Right now, all I feel is indescribable.

I don't even know what i'm feeling anymore.

Toss a sack of negative feelings up in the air, and whatever falls, i'll claim thats what i'm feeling.

This morning at 330am.

I felt so fucking relieved, I just wanted to shout. I just wanted to go talk to someone and just spam him or her.

But noone was online.

Fair enough, it was 330am. which is kinda late by any standards.

But what i'm ruing, is not that I did not talk to anyone,

But is why the fuck within the space of 12 hours, my feelings can swing from one end of the spectrum,

to the other fucking end?

Correction. I had the happy feeling for 5 hours.

Then it was back to reality.

Reality fraught with commitments, negativity, cruelly mellowed by a tinge of inspiration.

2009-12-18T03:54:00.002+08:00

Hello world, its fucking 4am in the morning.

And i'm awake. albeit not wide.

you know, i once had this module known as business management, and i HATED IT.

why? because its soooo theory heavy.

and guess what, out pops auditing! fuck.

if it was not theory heavy, its also analytical heavy.

the analytical part is fine. I honestly don't like studying mountains of words for a paper..

and of all my 7 chapters of notes, i cut it down to maybe 9 foolscaps, simply because i can't be half-assed to study the rest.

and i'm hoping whatever that inside that 9 foolscaps, appears on the examination paper tomorrow.

pissed man.

regardless, i'm left with only 1 solitary paper left to do.

couldnt be bothered to finish all since its so repetitive.

just hope red bull can let me see the light tomorrow.

because right now, i don't seem to be absorbing much.

lmao. rofl. ;/

anyway! its only about 10 hours 30minutes from my blissful rapture. given i finish it in an hour.

just about 630 minutes. and a whole lot of seconds to boot.

so, chillex people, good luck have fun and enjoy the festive season!

(sorry for those who have to mass projects, wrong group you are in yo!)

((:

2009-12-11T12:03:00.002+08:00

Okay, I have got a little insane the past few days, and a little emotionally wrong also.

Anyway, sorry bff! i think you must have been shocked by the way i replied every message until this morning.

HAHAHS. and no, it wasn't your faultt! it's just.. i'm having cramps! :X

LOL.

ANYWAY, SINCE IM IN SUCH A CRAZY MOOD,

EMOMOMO!

I GOT NO FUCK IDEA WHAT IM DOING HERE. LOL.

AND LASTLY GOOD LUCK EVERYONE! (:

AND THIS WAS DONE ON MY WEBCAM! WOOHOO
I FEEL SO CAMWHORY NOW.
LOLX. K I KNOW PEOPLE ARE GOING TO AVOID ME MORE.
BUT HEY, IM STILL 100% STRAIGHT K.
ON THE CORRECT LINE.
AHAHAHAH.

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE WITH THE COMMON TESTSSSSSSSSSS!
STUDY HARD! JIAYOU!
((:

2009-12-11T09:34:00.002+08:00

I hate myself.

But i'll rather hate myself,

then bring myself to hate someone else.

fuck it.

2009-12-07T21:11:00.002+08:00

Gym 3 day in a row,

Sat - Chest, Cardio 4km

Sun - Lats, HIITx4, Cardio 2.8km

Mon - Delts, Inclined 2.5km.

No wonder i'm tired. wtfbbq.

Tomorrow i'm gonna get my slob ass up at 7am to do HIIT again.

I don't believe I can't lose 10KG by common test end.

And i'm already 4KG into it.

6 more to go by 12 days! thats 500g a day.

I know the odds are stacked against me.

But hey, I'll die trying.

Okay I was kidding, I can't live without my sweet drinks.

:X

And I just amazed myself today.

I actually studied. for 30mins.

RFA doesn't seem that hard after all.

Well maybe I only covered 2 chapters of theory.

But whatever.

Tomorrow is studying day.

Well maybe thats because I ain't hitting the gym tomorrow.

whatever works.

HMMM. On a side note, I've just had the most amazing thought.

Onion loaf with sauteed prawns, potato, scallops.

That totally appeals to me.

I'LL COOK THAT ONE DAY.

that, and of course 2 things I have been wanting to try for damn long!

making a puree and white wine sauce!

Was thinking of pan-seared chicken breast, resting ontop a sweet onion puree, with of course my favorite red wine sauce! and some ornamental veggies which I haven't really gotten to, because I cook to eat, not to sell. YET. ;o (:

and then... lightly seared salmon with white wine sauce accompanied by the classic jacket potato with sour cream and bacon bits and maybe some steamed baby carrots and brocolli!

but that'll be too heavy for an entre(i think) and I don't like carrots. so yeah! :X

I shall attempt to accomplish all of them this holidays!

And sorry, noone is gonna taste them! 1st attempts are always behind closed doors! (:

HAHA.

2009-12-03T02:28:00.002+08:00

It's not everyday you can have 2 bites at the cherry, or in some cases 4.

So, be careful what you wish for! You may just get it!

And if the person ever knows who i'm refering to, which is highly unlikely,

Don't bother crying over split milk!

This world does not work that way! (:

2009-11-27T03:09:00.008+08:00

Chihuahua, golden retriever, Siberian husky, dwarf hamsters. What do they all have in common? Here in Singapore, they are all pets. A pet is any domesticated or tamed animal that is kept as a companion and cared for affectionately. In my entire life, I had numerous pets, which includes turtles, fishes and to date, my beloved hamster. In the earlier part of my youth, I had always regarded these pets to just a past-time, and I actually disliked cleaning up after them. But I have since received that magical feeling of attachment and companionship to...

DUSTY! MY CUTE LITTLE DWARF HAMSTER!

We humans live a troubled life, with stress coming in from various angles. Have we never looked at birds in the sky and wished we could be as carefree, and bask in the same rapturous freedom as they do? The fact of the matter is that, we can wish for it, but we'll never attain it. Why? Simply put, the planet Earth is not some utopia, where everyone lives in peace and in utter joy. On the flip side, its not necessarily a bad thing, because living in comfort will breed complacency, and in complacency i mean things such as not being able to adapt to changes. Just look at China. They were literally forced to open to the world, why? Because they were complacent. The westerners had guns, they had bows and shields.

Our lives were can never compare with such a lofty symbol such as China, but what we have is our daily trouble that comes from everywhere. And this is where I discovered what it truly means to have a pet. No, it's not meant to be a past time. Neither is it meant to be a toy. It means more than that to me.

Each morning as i snuggle myself next to his cage, i'll never fail to see him scurrying around his cage, then perch himself on his 2 hindlegs, and stare at me with that pair of beady black eyes. I'll then stick my hand in, and scoop him out, as i'll let him again loose on my hand. Following which, I could almost sense his glee, as he makes his usual morning jog all around my body. from my right hand, he'll run up to my shoulders... behind my neck... then my left hand, then i'll repeat it a few times. The sheer innocence of my rodent, was actually heart-warming.

He loves the odd piece of beansprout. It was only two days ago, where I stole(OPPS) a few beansprouts from the shop and save near my house to feed him with. Man, he devoured those things in record time! He always liked the tail of the beansprout more, and never failed to nibble at my fingers to eat the tail.

As small as he is, he has also lent me his small ears, whenever I felt like talking. Sometimes, when I pick him out of his cage, and just having a little talk about what's going on with my life, its almost as though he understands me. If it was something sad, he'll be very obedient and largely stay in the small spot. If it was something happy, he'll be prancing all around my hand! It's almost as though we got a Human-Hamster kind of connection!

My little pet hamster Dusty, though I know you'll never read this, yeah you know i'll always love you, you little bitch!(thats what I always call him)

Hmm, this post was actually part of a challenge between me and my bff as to who could write a better hamster compo!

Please go read hers at

littlemisswoon.blogspot.com

THE WINNER WILL GET A FREE SCHOOL LUNCH! SO PLEASE VOTE FOR MINE AS SHE HAS SCAMMED ME ENOUGH!!!!!! >_<

AND PLEASE VOTE! VOTING IS IMPORTANT AND EVERY VOTE COUNTS! HAHAHAH

2009-11-25T22:32:00.002+08:00

TODAY WAS EPIC.

1) I ALMOST DIED. THREE TIMES. MY BIKE HAS NO FUCKING BRAKES. I WAS CYCLING THEN THE LORRY JUST SWING IN. CAUSE I GOT NO BRAKES, I CANT BRAKE, I JUST SWERVE AND I NEARLY CRASH INTO A CAR.

2ND TIME. I WAS CYCLING THEN SOME TARD CALL ME. THEN GOT THIS CAR INFRONT OF ME PARKED. I COULDNT BRAKE OR SWERVE(I GOT ONLY 1 HAND ON THE HANDLEBAR) AND I NEARLY CRASHED INTO IT.

3RD TIME. I WAS CYCLING 5SECONDS AFTER I PUT DOWN THE CALL, ANOTHER PERSON CALL ME. ONCE AGAIN, I TOOK OUT MY PHONE, AND THIS TIME THE PERSON WALKING SUDDENLY DRIFTED INTO MY SIDE OF THE PAVEMENT. GUESS WHAT. I SWERVED. AND I FLEW OFF THE BIKE. -_-

that aside, on the brighter side, went gym today! fucking happy, when i saw i lost 3KG! in 3 days! wooooowww! did shoulders and trapes, and now i'm uber tired, coupled with some cardio.

and thank god that stupid club is cancelled, i'm seriously damn tired now. sighhh! ): and tomorrow going to be 1 VERY busy day.

I'm going IT fair tomorrow! (: hopefully i can get a cheappo ITOUCH! hopefully. i'll see. then its down to meet some old friends for sushi, and gain weight -.- and ending the evening with them i guess... :/

epic epic epick!

2009-11-25T11:43:00.002+08:00

Ham Rissoto!

It's pretty damn good, but i think i know where my mistake is already. next time its gonna be even better! HAHA.

PS: I know it looks like puke if it is a small thumbnail. What you expect man! its brown because of caramelized onions, and its rice! :/ ENLARGE IT! :X

Surf n Turf, with red wine sauce! (:

This is just damn good. If it wasnt chicken breast, and instead thigh, it would be almost perfect! the redwine sauce somehow lacked something... dunno what that is. but i'll be working on it. probably maybe a little butter? I dunno i'll go figure.

If i could only get something green on that plate, I think it'll be even better!

PS : As large as the chicken was, it was cooked all the way through! (:

Many more people are asking me to cook for them! THATS A GOOD SIGN! That meanssssss... Next time, my dream could actually be a reality and a success! And at least 6 people said they will invest too! omggggg! (:

12 years from now! I can't wait. I can't wait!

FUCK ACCOUNTING! LOL.

2009-11-23T10:50:00.004+08:00

I laid on my bed last night at only 140AM!

And amazingly i could fall asleep.

When other days I could go there at 4am, and still be wide awake.

Excellent stuff!

Looks like my life is going to be only better!

With the conclusion of my last 2 driving lessons later, I can book my test!

Which means, I can fuck care driving till january, where i will do 2 revision lessons then test lo! hahahas. powerpacked.

Which just leaves me with 2 last committments in my life!

1) Get fit
2) School

Well, I just hit the gym yesterday and it was a pretty decent workout.

And i'm off for a HIIT session now.

So yeah i think i'm on track to get fit!

6 weeks and i should be fine.

and yes, the dieting sucks. i got 4 eggs in the kitchen waiting for me to eat it once im back, chicken and brocolli for lunchy later... and god knows what for dinner. :/

couple that with some caffeine, fat-burner pills, and a shit lot of cardio,

I can only envision 1 result! (:

anyways! thats it for my post!

Happy that everything is over, or almost over!

(: vindication!

an update after im done with my HIIT!

I ALMOST DIED. OMG! ITS DAMN TORTUROUS!

I wanted to do 5 repetitions!

But I did 3, and almost died, and decided to do 1 more.

at the end of the 4th, I seriously, almost vomitted!

Those who were in sports, and the coach abit siao one, will know what i mean! HAHA.

Oh mannn! unfit me! ):

regardless! I swear its weird!

I dunno why my face still looks kinda fatttt even though my physique is pretty okay!

my delts, bi,triceps are pretty good.

pecs need to rid of the fat,

lats are decent.

even people say i look quite okay! (THEY THINK I LOOK LIGHTER THAN I ACTUALLY AM!) =D

WELL! I'm gonna lose another 10kg, and i'm sure at the end of it all,

i'll be looking pretty damn good!

or so i hope :/

wish me luck! (:

and to end it off!

A nice quote from facebook!

"You know you love someone when all you want for that person is happiness, though you are not part of it"

ahhahaha

2009-11-22T22:55:00.002+08:00

So I had to be drunk twice,

A couple of sleepless nights,

A little bit more of crying,

a whole lot of thinking and wondering.

A little anger and disappointment.

And to think that I was this close to ending a relationship that spanned more than a millenium of days over it.

How naive, innocent and stupid I was!

Well anyway, after talking it out, I feel much better!

I know that the person I talked to will never come by this page, cause he thinks blogs are gay, but yeah! lolol.

Anyway, I guess as he said to me!

If you tried your best and you failed that you gotta move on.

But if you didn't then there's something wrong.

Fair enough. bears a resemblance to old sayings like,

"the result doesn't matter as long as you try your best." or

"do your best, let god take care of the rest"

hahahas

oh well!

Another chapter closed! (:

time to divide my little time left over other stuff! :/

2009-11-14T08:59:00.001+08:00

HAHAHAS sorry for the late post!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BFF WOON SHI LIN! (:

And yes, we all know what happened last night! :X

2009-11-14T08:46:00.002+08:00

This post is dedicated to a special someone.

A great gaming friend, and a close friend in person.

He has passed on at the age of 21, after battling cancer for years.

He epitomized what it meant to have a fighting spirit.

Struggling between visits to the hospital, and practicing the game he so loved.

You gave me hope when my chips were down.

We were largely similar, both in real life and virtual life.

Before I met you, my dream was a fantasy.

Before I met you, I know.

My largest accolade was through pure luck. I could never make it.

High aspirations, Low ability.

But you...

You were like a mentor to me, a meticulous and patient tutor.

A person who corrected many aspects of my game,

A person who could always discuss anything about it.

You instilled in me a sense of belief.

You told me not to fear them, and just do what I do.

Many people in this world, dreams are never fulfilled.

But mine was. Largely thanks to you...

Rest in Peace my great friend.

I won't forget you.

-hG^OxY-

2009-11-08T22:19:00.002+08:00

I will be vindicated from any obligations soon.

immensely tired, drained and empty

It is very obvious there is something wrong, when you are questioning your decisions everyday.

Impulsive, rash, incapable and impatient.

That pretty much summarizes whatever is happening this episode.

I have been putting it off for too long already.

Maybe i lack the resolve. Maybe i'm hiding behind some perceived values.

i'm so tired. i'm so pissed. i'm so indignant.

my one last obligation.

my one last hurrah.

my one last effort.

I cried my fucking self to sleep.

First time in fucking 5 years.

I honestly can't believe it. But i've snapped.

When you keep pouring water into a cup, one day it will overflow.

to be honest, i couldn't give a flying fuck about anything much anymore.

People would never be cooperative.

People would never step out of their comfort zone.

People would never stick their head out for others.

Myself always comes before others.

Maybe I'm a fucking idiot.

I should have learnt that a long time ago.

Maybe I did. BUT I DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY PEOPLE BEHAVE.

I WANTED TO CHANGE THE PEOPLE AROUND ME.

I TRIED MY BEST.

I failed terribly.

I'm so lost again.

fuck.

2009-11-04T20:30:00.001+08:00

school.

has

denied

me

a

second chance.

at

international gaming.

):

free trip to korea........

during common test.......

fuck leh.

2009-11-02T00:51:00.002+08:00

It is november now!

And do you know what that means?!?!

it means somebody is going to turn 18888888!

one million eight hundred and eighty eight thousand eight hundred and eighty eight years old!

okay not that old ;x

anyway..!

WAIT FOR MY SURPRISE!!!! (:

2009-10-26T01:16:00.002+08:00

an unbalanced equation.

2009-10-24T20:28:00.003+08:00

Life is so mercurial, it is so hard to come to terms with it.

What started off as an intention to fulfill a promise, has evolved into a rekindling of the past.

When things are beginning to look up, somewhere along the line, something goes wrong, and nothing is made known.

The thing that bothers me the most, is that how can you think that you are great friends with someone in one week, and the next week you find the person too much.

The tone in the voice, the heavy sarcasm, the antics.

Wasn't it all there before? So what has changed? Or is it simply I have reached my limit?

Why is it some people have their life planned out for them, everything is just a matter of preference.

Yes or No.

While some others must always keep in consideration the feelings of others.

Making calculated decisions. Always thinking.

When things go wrong, guess who receives the shit.

When things go right, guess who receives the benefits.

I really wish I could just let it all out.

I really hope someone could tell me what to do.

Where I have gone wrong.

Don't bother asking anyway.

You'll probably think I am a stuck up whiny fucker.

That's fine. I probably am one.

Which is why I don't even bother finding anyone to talk to anymore.

2009-10-19T01:38:00.002+08:00

When everything you stake claim to,

abandons you.

When everything you thought was natural

Was in fact delusional.

When you begin to dispute with the mirror.

what would you do?

When hard work does not equate success, and talent is insufficient.

Would this simply mean that I was wrong?

Laden with fear and anxiety, compressed between good and wrong.

Encircled with an banishing shroud of darkness,

I stretch out my right arm, illuminating a path out.

Strangely, I fall backwards, and fall into an deceptive slumber.

I was in my element.

2009-10-17T02:37:00.002+08:00

My friend got me some Japanese coffee!

taste pretty good! and some other jap snacks which is also pretty damn good.

Japan, ah Japan.

I WANT TO GO THERE.

BUT NO CHANCE. WTF.

>_<

I been trying for like dunno how many months to get the jacket,

Visited school in vain twice, countless emails and chats.

And when I was supposed to collect it today FINALLY!

The guy in charge is on leave for a week!

:|

Regardless! It will come soon! Hopefully.

=O

2009-10-16T01:05:00.002+08:00

I'm in so much fucking pain.

I don't even know why am I still doing this.

Or why I even agreed to do so.

But it's pretty apparent.

A man is only as good as his word.

And since I made a promise, I would do my best.

If only I could get a little solace or comfort somewhere.

It's a terrible feeling to have almost every body part in pain for 4 days in a row.

Regardless, once i'm done with this, all my obligations are over.

All my promises have been fulfilled.

Then, I can finally vindicate myself.

And be rid of the mercurial side of me.

anyway, on a side note,

some people should learn how to fuck off.

2009-10-14T00:25:00.003+08:00

一山比一山高.A chinese idiom, which directly translates means that one mountain is taller than the other mountain. Putting into context, it just means that there is always someone better than you. If you haven't guessed yet, my essay for today, is about winning, and being the best. If you dislike mountains of words, don't bother continuing, but maybe if you read it, maybe you can garner an greater insight into life, because I always widen my perspectives, with each and every essay I put my heart into.

"Nobody likes losing" This is a statement that has been repeatedly howled into my ears, and from my mouth into others. On deeper examination, how far is that statement true, and how far are we willing to go, to make sure we never lose?

You may jump up behind your seat, hands up in the air and hollering profanities at my statement because you actually like losing. Keep calm and relax first, lets do a dissection of certain actions. For example, some people may "act dumb", and get scolded for no reason to avoid doing something. Though the part where you are looked down by others may be considered losing, in theory you are losing respect or faith from others, you are actually winning! Because simply, you avoided doing that something, but it was only at a cost. Back to context, as skeptical as I am, I would fully adhere to the convention, and say that nobody ever likes losing.

That being said, winning is in the blood of everyone, and on top of everyone's want list. When all the complications of life clears up, doubt is parried, and the dust has settled, it all boils down whether we won or we lost. As stupid as it may sound, even the simplest of actions like buying a drink from a shop, may be actually considered that we won! We succeeded in buying a drink, hence "won", and we feel satisfied. Such simple matters that are vindicated from any difficulty, are hardly thought about.

So how far are we willing to go to ensure a win in every situation? It all depends on how humble we are. The humility of everyone differs by the individual. Some people may regard winning as their sole reason of existence, some may regard winning as an added bonus. Of course with each individual, with differing priorities, the importance of winning in each matter would of course be almost immeasurable. To cite an simple example to clarify all those near senseless words, 2 people. A and B. Both of them like playing bowling and badminton. Here we established 2 situations. A may prioritize bowling more, while B with badminton. Simply put, not everyone regards winning in a particular situation as important as you.

Out comes the theory of humility. if A beats B in bowling, B must be able to accept that though he does not really likes losing, he can ACCEPT the defeat, because A is simply better. B has been humbled by A in bowling. Realizing bowling is not his forte, he would not place such immense importance in winning on bowling, and would accept that losing in bowling is natural.

Of course there is always room for improvement. Some people may regard losing as an driving force to train harder, and losing to be a measure of weakness. This are the strong-willed people, who work towards their goals, and take nothing for granted. This is where arrogance is born. When someone who work so hard for his goals, and takes losing as a sign of weakness, it is highly likely that anyone who is inferior to him, he will look down on them. Staking claim to being the best there is.

Everyone granted with the ability to be better than someone, should always extend an sincere helping hand to others, because everyone in this world is granted with an innate ability that will radiate in due time. If yours have came out early, share that glow of life with others. NEVER, NEVER keep it to yourself. Don't do it for the future rewards you may reap. But do it, because sincerity to others, will not only invoke an feeling of warmth and gratitude into others, you may be their one glimmer of hope for what you know.

Ambitious people are valued in society. It is imperative that Ambitious people are mingled with arrogance. But let us restrict that to being a tinge of arrogance, almost a zest, let it be a light shade of our strong personalities, and not be an overwhelming dark force that seeks only to devour everything in its way.

No matter how good you are, always remember, that without the people around you, you are still nothing. You may be the best chef but without customers, you going to feed yourself with what? your knowledge? Everything is inter-related. Good friends have a way to humble you, make more of those.

Life is an enigma. Everything that I say here is merely my point of view, intended to be as neutral as I can. To everyone who made it this far, I hope this post has granted an slight insight. If it hasn't well, that sucks. But at least I felt I can take away something from this post.

And to put things in perspective. Many of the things I wrote could actually be references to myself. I admit to my flaws. Nobody is perfect, but I'll say i'm pretty damn far from being that!

Take it from me.
Humility mixed with pride and confidence is the way to go.
Arrogance with a tinge of humility is a measure of a jerk.

I'm so damn mercurial, it's enigmatic!
HAHA.

2009-10-13T11:25:00.002+08:00

NP vs ITE.

We lost 0-20.

Pretty saddening, especially when it was all our mistakes that cost us the win.

And whats more we were so domineering in the first half.

Oh well.

We came close to scoring twice! but referee just wouldnt put his whistle down. sigh.

Beyond that, I came out with 2 cuts above my right eye, many other bruises...

And I swear i thought i tore my shoulder ligament.

After 1 tackle, my entire left arm, went HOT. as in felt really damn hot.

But okay la. the physio came over spray some cold spray then I just continue lo.

End of the game, he told me is I just hit the nerve on my shoulder.

Phew. lolol.

Regardless, still in a shit lot of pain.

Back, trapes, thighs.

):

2009-10-10T01:13:00.003+08:00

So many people are either on holiday or going on holiday all of a sudden!

weird weird weird!

it's great to get away from this stupid city.

So goddamn boring. can't take it.

lolol.

randomx3

OH WELLL... :/

To everyone!

Bon Voyage and Balek Kampong(return home) safely!

I'm so bored I need more people to go out with!

Maybe not really, but yeah, more people = more things to do! =O

Catch ya people when you guys come back!

Till thennnnn!

GG GL HF!

Just a solitary thought though,

How much influence does songs exerts on us!

Chris Daughtry's over you.

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you are the one,
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left,
Just left me cold and out of breath
I fell too fast and way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of me!

I never saw it coming,
should have started running a long long time ago
And i never thought I'll doubt you, better off without you
more than you more than you know
I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now i'm picking up the pieces,
spending all of this years,
moulding my heart back together
The day I thought i'll never get through
I got over you!

fucking good song..!

I've been given a new lease of life, from god knows where or what.

And you know what, i'm not going to waste it anymore.

I'm going to live life my way. Maybe that was a wake up call.

Regardless, i'm feeling pretty fucking psyched over nothing.

I'm pretty sure some people noticed how fucking lame I am these past few days.

Cause that's the real me! LAME beyond measure!

yeah yeah, go ahead and punch me when your drunk cause i'm too lame. LOL.

And SOOOOO. to commemorate this 'milestone' not,

I shall do one of my favorite pasttimes!

and no, it is not gaming, or cooking, or eating.

it's writing!

STAY TUNED for a pretty fucking lame essay tomorrow or something!

(: (: (:

2009-10-09T02:43:00.002+08:00

I'm back in rugby AGAIN.

Went for my first training on wednesday in a LOOOOONG time.

And amazingly, I wasn't as unfit as I thought I was. =O

Must be all that workouts on wednesdays!

Next week POLITE starts, and sooooooo

First Game: 12 Oct (Monday) 6pm against ITE
Second Game: 15 Oct (Thursday) 6pm against RP
Third Game: 19 Oct (Monday) 6pm against TP
Fourth Game: 26 Oct ( Monday) 7.45pm against SP

Wont bother elaborating here, nobody understands rugby anyway.

On a side note,

It is so interesting how people keep saying,

"tell me your problems I will help you."

And when you actually do, and they are in the position to do something, they don't.

Then why bother offering help?

2 thoughts for today.

Hypocritical vs Chivalrous

Vindicated vs Convicted.

2009-10-09T02:37:00.002+08:00

I heard you're doing okay,
But i want you to know
I'm a dick
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy but you left anyway.

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now It's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
After all we've been through
I'm still a dick
I'm addicted to you
I think you know its true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now It's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why i'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now It's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you

2009-10-08T00:46:00.003+08:00

It's weird to be at home on a wednesdayyyyyyy night! :/

The last time I was at home, was like 1 month ago? =/

Right now its 12:48PM!

It should be Just Dance right now.

And in 20 minutes, its fire burning!

And in between 1:10 and 1:50, will have other cool songs! like apologize, boom boom pow, love game, paparazzi, hot n cold!

And at 1:50...

I GOTTA FEELING!

Oh well, and i'm at home writing this.

SUX. :/

No pain, no gain! Win some, lose some! benefits vs risks!

Okays... i'm epic tired.

i ShAlL hIt thE bEd SoOn YeAh.

lol! what the fuck lame things am i writing, and im lazy to backspace.

2009-10-06T02:20:00.003+08:00

no wonder i'm broke.

This holidays I did far too much shopping!

5 T-Shirts
2 Shirts
1 Jacket
1 Liverpool Jersey
1 Puma Shoes

= $200+90+84+50
= $424

OMFG. >.<

2009-10-05T00:59:00.002+08:00

Many recent events, have incited thoughts into my brain. The most compelling one, was a question posed.

"Who are your true friends?"

I have often classified clearly who my good friends, best friends or ordinary friends are. But I realized, on a deeper look, there seems to be many discrepancies and gray areas. This topic has always been on my mind since some time back, when I was in dire need of a listening ear, and was in search for the right one.

In the time when I just needed to talk, only a few people pulled through for me. Some who I thought were good friends, seemed entirely disinterested. Maybe, it was merely a misconception of my part, or i misinterpreted. But i'm guessing its the earlier. The recent spate of events, invoked those questions into my head again. Right then, I realized.

Initially, in all honesty, I entered Poly, with the intention of phasing through poly life. I hated school. I only liked fridays, because that was the only day, I could be myself, and stop putting up with a false front in front of every damn person in the school. Every Friday, was a fun night. Regardless! 4 hours. 3 hours. 2 hours. Even just for a dinner with any of my usual pals, was the most enjoyable thing in Poly.

There we will sit, random chat, bitch and laugh at about every thing there is in Poly. But as my Poly life went on, I actually begun liking school to a certain extent! Year 1, saw me actively playing games in every class with my classmates, and sometimes at home. skipping lessons together to poker. all those kind of stuff that was by Poly, nostalgic.

To present, I thought that I could find insanely good pals outside of my adolescence. Apparently that was merely blind wishing and hope on my part. What I garner is in its purity, merely schoolmates, people who are like the previous me, with the mere intention to transit through school. Maybe I should start hating school again. Not even for the friends. Nothing seems worthwhile for me anymore.

3 paragraphs to summarize my social life in Polytechnic. 0 words to take away from it. I have always been sincere to all but one person. I mostly went out of my way for anyone. I am almost a spectre, doing numerous positive deeds without a reason, sometimes without even staking claim to it. But what did I get. lol. I'm convinced that all I got, are MANY schoolmates.

I apparently side tracked too far. I think this post is a little too wordy, so to make the conclusion short.

I apparently reshuffled who's where in my circle of friends. I'm pretty sure as a friend of mine, you wouldn't actually give a fuck as to how I would rate you right? But all I would say is, best pals yeah. And for the others... Well, I will still remain as I am. Without the extra mile.

Maybe I never did it. Maybe people just don't know. I couldn't care anyway.

one of the many grievances thats plaguing me.
I guess i'm pretty messed up.
lolol

2009-10-03T02:40:00.002+08:00

I need to stop going out.

But then if I stay at home, i'll be bored beyond belief.

But if I do go out, it's so expensive..

zzz. dilemma!

a few good things to note.

1) Chivas Promotion is on in OCT TOO! WHICH MEANSSSSSSSSSSSS. LOL.
2) I gotta feeling, that tonight's is gonna be a high night! (:
3) PRAWNY SOON AGAIN! WOOOOOO
4) I've gained greater clarity!

on a random thought, I think i'm the perfect example of an "rebellious" or most "un-nerd" student!

#1 I don't take part in school activities
#2 I barely do my tutorials
#3 I don't listen in lectures
#4 I skip lectures
#5 I always make a din in the class
#6 I indulge in whatever that needs you to be 18.
#7 AND MORE.
#8 I sleep pretty late! Though not the latest in my msn list. (OBVIOUSLY WTF WHO CAN BEAT YOU)
#9 I play lots of games.
#10 I'm pretty updated with the trends!

10 reasons why I am not nerd. (:

2009-09-30T02:36:00.002+08:00

The resonance of those words is everlasting.

I rather you get an GPA of 1, then live the life I am leading now.

I know I can never match to either of you, be it in any area.

No matter how good I am, you two just have a way of making me feel small.

Its okay. Its okay.

I just wished I could tell one person everything I have on my mind.

It's not that they are not trustworthy, or what.

It's just it does not feel right, cause some people understand different grievances better.

sighhhhhhh! :/

2009-09-28T12:17:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, a few short words, works a whole lot better than 20000 words.

2009-09-28T00:41:00.002+08:00

Wrote some uber long compo last night, which I didn't publish, because there just was not a need for it anymore.

Which is of course a good thing!

Been really tired. All the crazy nights, outings have left me physically drained.

All the other relationship shit, has made me emotionally wanting.

But everything will be coming to an end soon ba!

I can't keep having crazy nights, neither can I keep feeling down right?

But this week, will see 3 last crazy nights.

Rebel!
Good Stuff!
Soccer night tonning!

Just totally looking forward to these 3 nights.

SOMEBODY CALL 911!

SHAWTY FIRE BURNING ON THE DANCE FLOOR!

JUST DANCE!

WE WILL BE OKAY!

I GOTTA FEELING!

TONIGHTS GONNA BE A GOOD NIGHT!

HAHAHAHAS.

I'M BECOMING MAD! I'M SO ADDICTED TO GETTING HIGH NOW.

MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. OH WELLLLLLLL. FUCK ME. FUCK YOU. FUCK IT!

HAHAHAHAS.

and im not drunk when im writing this, so yeah. =O

On a seperate note, Lady Gaga is pretty fucking good!

2009-09-24T16:59:00.006+08:00

All I ask for is simplicity, and i got alienated.

All I wanted was the basics, and i got the advanced.

Its as though its some form of sick joke.

I was thrown into the deep end of the pool, to teach me life's lessons.

At the end of it all,

u realize, it just leaves you empty inside.

Inciting a feeling of alienation, and despondency.

Life is complicated.

2009-09-20T02:28:00.003+08:00

they say that ignorance is bliss.

its pretty damn true to me.

My life needs to be controlled by sincerity and innocence more.

Rather than constantly, be a mindless minion of reason.

2009-09-19T01:45:00.002+08:00

Saturday 10AM. Colossuem!

DOTA COMPETITION! WOOHOO.

HOPE I WIN YEAH!

2009-09-18T02:04:00.002+08:00

I'm such a lame and weird person!

For the countless time, i missed my @!(# stop.

Everyday after school, if i take 153 home from toa payoh, 40% of the time, ill appear two stops after my house. then i gotta cross the damn road. and take another bus, then cross again. wtf.

and if that wasn't bad enough. i took 147 home from dhoby, and i missed my stop. and woke up like 8 stops later. best part? i took the last 147. NO MORE BUSES. HAD TO CAB. WTF.

now, that illness has spread to MRTs! took the first train from clarke quay this morning. and i woke up at BUANGKOK. WTF! and i was already so shagged, anytime can just fall dead, and that happened.

SUCKS TO BE ME! WTF.

Got a job at F1 next week. DON'T ASK ME WHAT I'M WORKING AS. ITS A JOKE! and yeah, results coming out tomorrow. GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE YES! (: i think mine is gonna suck, but oh wellx. ;/

2009-09-15T01:38:00.001+08:00

(:

all i can say is.

i found some enlightenment somewhere.

2009-09-12T16:59:00.001+08:00

What a long day!

Yesterday went out in search of answers.

And I got it. Uncensored, crude, and bluntly.

I saw, I heard, I felt.

Fate should be a cult, for the losers,

People who are unable to achieve things based on ability, and instead rely on "fate" to guide them through.

And I, should be the cult leader for that. Simply because, i leave all my inadequacies to fate.

So yeah, it was not fated ba!

anyway. on the brighter side. It's hopefully good that it has come to a conclusion finally.

so yesterday, went dhoby for LAN,

then clarke quay river side for drinks.

I realiseddd my alcohol control is not that bad!

had like 5/18 of a bottle of whisky, and i was barely high.

even after 2 shots of tequila in rebel, i was still barely high.

But the music..!

Omggggg.

LUNAR HAS NICE MUSIC LA. ZIRCA TRANCE IS NOT THAT BAD AFTER ALL. REBEL STILL THE BEST. BUT TOO MANY PEOPLE :/

NOBODY NOBODY BUT YOU!

FUNKY!

2009-09-10T23:22:00.000+08:00

Okay, i've been MIA for quite some time. Thats simple. i HAD a job. Why had? Cause I QUIT TODAY.

Proba. Some market research agency. Telephone surveyor.

Lazy to go type the full story here. Very lazy to be exact. But yeah, they suck.

Waste of my time. And now after working for 5 days, they have the right to deny me any remuneration.

S2BM.

.............

But whatever la. That company is just pretty damn messed up anyway.

So they can FOAD.

TYVM! ^^

I need to start enjoying my holidays man

Drinking, Clubbing, Movies, LAN, Shopping.

Man, i still got like so many things i want to buy, but lazy to go. and noone to go with me too. :/

Shoes.
T-Shirts.
Bermudas.
Long Pants.
Jackets!

Oh man... :/

2009-09-05T23:12:00.000+08:00

Okay, I haven't did an official farewell to Year 2 Semester 1.

TA01

Modules

Introduction to Social Psychology :

A very interesting module. no homework, short classes, project-based. Won't really say I enjoyed this module. But well it was decent, and maybe on a scale of 1 to 10, i'll give it a 6.5.

History of Rock and Roll :

1 Hour a week. What can i complain about? Every project takes under 4 hours to do, and theres only 4. can i say this is bad? well i could, and be lying. this was pure ownage. 9 out of 10.

Taxation :

I hate tax. I really do. At first thought it was pretty easy with the personal reliefs shit. But then, when came out what junk sole proprietorship, partnership etc. coupled with the fact i don't listen in class. or i don't understand. this was one nightmare module for me. :/

Cost Accounting :

At first i hated this stupid module. all the overheads, over/under-applied, i could never understand. but nearing the exams, i quite found it interesting and fun to do! Was quite easy to understand for me. so yeah, pretty much enjoyed the module. though the teacher is the sux.

Finance in International Trade :

BORING. BORING. SIAN. HARD. DIFFICULT. this module sucks 1000% nothing to like about it.

Intermediate Financial Accounting :

This module made me feel like O'Levels all over again, when i studied for A Maths, and couldn't understand shit. that feeling, was pretty damn messed up. Felt like deja vu, :/. To put things in perspective, i got C5 for my A Maths. :/

Business Communication :

I never back down from a presentation, cause its so fun and easy to get marks! I rather do a presentation than a report. Apparently, the presentations was 20%, and the rest came from many lame places. but yeah, fun fun module!

People

This semester has been an emotional roller coaster for me, in dealing with relationships. I was so messed up within, that i could never organize my thoughts anymore. Beyond that, the way I treat people, is like hot and cold, and unappreciative. I'll admit to that. Simply put, this was a 6 months to forget.

Overall this semester was an very bad one for me. Many things happened, good ones, bad ones, fucked up ones. Whatever. I can foresee that things in next semester are not looking up, and the sky's as bleak as ever. But you know what, i'll get over it, just cause i have to.

2009-09-01T11:40:00.003+08:00

Present vs Ideal.

are lightyears away.